its hard to give feedback without knowing what your goals are for the song. im impressed by the ability of this song to create a feeling and a distinct energy; feels very 60s surf meets punk/shoegaze. i like the feel. the buried distorted vocals means this isnt for the masses. is radio a goal? pull out a chorus and clean up the vocals a bit. is synch a goal? you might want some of the lyrics more clear so they can better define a scene. are you just making music to follow your own vision? then youve done ace work!